My E-Update
Three Months In and No End In Sight…
So this weekend marks my first quarter (3 months y’all!!!) on E (and her little friends S and P and F). Okay that’s Estrodiol, Spironlactone, Progesterone and Finasteride (my version of the “Teen Titans”). When I started HRT I asked my Doc to “give me the works”. So this time I got my draws done on Monday and my appointment was Friday. And I got the report back I was hoping for and not hoping for, my levels all looked good — meaning my T went from 700+ to the 100s and my E is in the normal range for transitioners.
Why its good…
Well, it means the meds are doing their job, and my body is responding to them as it should. Continue on course, all systems go…
Why its bad…
I’ve been on the regimen for three months. So far what I have noticed is a significant drop in my libido, some breast soreness, and a bit of leveling of the emotions with more expression of feeling.
That’s it.
No growth, no softer skin, hair still grows where I don’t want it, and my emotions are better but not great. And because my levels are “good” I can’t blame it on the regimen, because there’s nothing to tweak… blech.
I asked my doctor about body shape and signs (I don’t like calling them symptoms or side effects — they are kind of what we are going for here!) and she said that most transitioners my age (mid 50s) don’t experience as dramatic changes as ones who start earlier, so I shouldn’t get my hopes up that I will grow gorgeous breasts or fill out my “junk trunk” (I know the hips are not normally helped, can’t turn out bones people!). Most people “my age” are happy with the emotional balance (and CIS-girls my age are dealing with the big “M” anyway, so…)
Prognosis — All Good, see you in 6 months, no change in regimen.
Why its still good…
The old me (or maybe just the me from a month ago) would have had a meltdown about this — fact. The SFD would have been something like “I’m not trans enough, that’s why my body isn’t responding like it should, I will be ‘stuck with’ faking it and no one will take my transition seriously. I suck.” And spiraled down from there.
But I felt nothing afterwards, not good, not bad, it was just news washing over me.
But Jinny (my IC) said it didn’t matter. That we could still transition and would transition and regardless of what the E did or didn’t do, we are still us, and beautiful and very, very trans. And I felt the truth of that like an undercurrent buoying me up. Because I will continue moving forward. And we will continue the HRT for at least the first two years and then see about surgery or whatever else we feel we need (although I will do some consults ahead of that).
There is no way I’m going to let a little blue pill or two tell me how I’m going to transition, or what I should look like. I’m pushing ahead and embracing the suck, and past it to the prize of being me…
