Unsung Heroes

A Better Way To Handle Disputes

Jenny Starr✨
5 min readJan 2, 2022


Photo by A A on Unsplash

I’m writing this on the heels of getting what I think is my first “diss” on the Medium platform. What? Unhappiness in the world of perfect growth, fellowship, and community, the place where people come together to learn from each other and share their voices in a melodic chorus to the heavens shouting “We’re Here!!!” to the world of Hortons?

Yes, my friends, the unspeakable has happened, and I’m not sure if I should be mad, sad, or glad. So let’s get into it…

So, for those who know me, I’m usually very forthright with my lengthy comments and (hopefully) insightful remarks related to stories. When I have an opinion, I share it openly, and if it’s misunderstood, I try to make it right. But I couldn’t today because my comment was taken from me, orphaned in the dark of the night, by someone who was challenged by it. Or at least, that is what I think, because the entire article is missing now. I won’t mention names, mainly because it’s not relevant to the rest of you, although you may know the publisher. They have more than one up-and-coming publication (in the thousands of subs and growing) and they, like all of us, promote open discussions and different viewpoints.

So Far So Good But…

And there I was, reading about a new event they were planning and one of the requirements was that you had to add five members that you admired from Medium to the article (like mentions so they would see the article?).

Here is a very brief synopsis of the conversation. I can’t show you the literal conversation because I can only see my side of it now, the rest is missing…

Me: I noticed you are requiring me to add members to my article? Is that some sort of marketing thing?

Publisher: Yes, yes it is. You can add them from your followers list.

Me: When I publish my followers see the article already, and if they want to follow the publication, can’t they can just click on the link? This isn’t organic growth, so I won’t be able to support your publication. I wish you well.

Publisher: <click>

This morning there is no article. The entire thing was taken down, not just my comment but the entire article?


So I am trying to understand how this happened. Because I wasn’t rude, just stating my feelings on the matter and wishing them well. But since it was on their post they didn’t want it distracting from their message? At least that is the SFD (sh***y first draft — see Brene Brown’s Rising Strong Series for more on that) I’m telling myself. Now I’m getting curious about what happened, to learn about my reaction and how to grow from it…

Its Not Personal, But Yea, Sort Of…

So, for the personal growth bit — “2021 me” would have spiraled about being a bad writer, or about how unfair the system is, or worse, how broken I am about being perfect, but this is simply a choice two people made about how to handle a disagreement. And because of what options we have on Medium for discussion, they happen in public. Private messages have a very low character limit, I would die trying to make a point like that, literally bullet points only for someone like me. So this may have been the only way for the author to “clear the books” on the conversation if they didn’t want it seen.

2022 Me Wants Growth And To Be Authentic

You can’t have a platform with free discourse if there’s no free discourse. And If you disagree with something I’m saying, and feel strongly about it, you have my permission to leave a comment. But please don’t read my mind. If you want to know why I said something, ask! Then I can help us both by thinking it through and understanding each other. If we can’t agree then can we agree to disagree? And how about if we model what that looks like, without ghosting, or name-calling, or bringing the wagons around in a circle or any of the other self-protecting measures we have to keep ourselves from uncertainty? <Rant Mode Off>

What I Learned

I came here to learn, and today I learned about getting my hand slapped. But it’s okay, it was someone else’s cookie jar, they are trying to protect their subs and provide a great experience while they grow their brand. Maybe they took down the article to rework it, maybe they actually listened. But, sometimes we never hear how the story ends. I hope my words were taken with the heart they were given, I honestly want people to question scarcity and lack, they are everywhere in our culture and they can poison our integrity. We Don’t Have To Be That Way!!!

How To Handle Disputes with Jenny:

  • It Wasn’t Intended To Be Personal — Let’s Talk!
  • I’m Not An Expert — Let’s Talk!!
  • I’m Open To New Ways Of Thinking — Let’s Talk!!!
  • I Want Us All To Prosper — Let’s Talk!!!!
  • Let’s Talk!!!

I won’t bite, not hard anyway (I try not to draw blood on the first date — just kidding!?!)

NOTE: I do reserve the right to remove threads or block comments that are disrespectful or malicious. And if you engage in poaching I’m not averse to scolding, if you have an article or link on-topic, share! If you want to hawk another FFF article or troll for followers, please reconsider…

I Really Care

In all seriousness though, I do care about you, and I don’t want my journey to cause you to stumble. So if you want to know, ask! And if I can I will explain what I can. Some of me is still secret, even to me, and I don’t have all the reasons, but I do know I am “Jenuinely Jenny” (hey I might use that…lol!!!)

I am Jenuinely Jenny…💕

And I want to see us shine!!!



Jenny Starr✨

A transgender woman (she/they) learning her way in this beautiful life…queer, curious, thoughtful. I write poetry, LGBTQ and whatever else. Come away with me!